Best Bad Dad Jokes

Cars

1. “Why was the car red? It saw the traffic jam and it just blew a gasket.”
2. “Why did the car go to the doctor? It had a flat tire.”
3. “What do you get when you cross a car with a duck? A vehicle that quacks.”
4. “Why did the car keep getting into accidents? It had a reckless driver.”
5. “Why was the car cold? It left its windows open.”
6. “What do you call a car that’s on fire? A burning automobile.”
7. “Why did the car break up with its owner? They were driving in different directions.”
8. “Why was the car sad? It was tired of being driven around in circles.”
9. “What do you get when you cross a car with a sheep? A woolly ride.”
10. “Why was the car feeling blue? It needed a tune-up.”

Dating

1. “Why was the computer cold on its date? Because it left its Windows open.”
2. “Why was the math book unhappy on its date? Because it had too many problems.”
3. “Why was the calendar popular? Because it had a lot of dates.”
4. “Why was the phone feeling depressed? Because it had no one to call.”
5. “Why was the paper clip unhappy? Because it was feeling paper thin.”
6. “Why was the rubber band unhappy? Because it was feeling stretched.”
7. “Why was the clock unhappy? Because it was tired of ticking.”
8. “Why was the pencil unhappy? Because it had no point.”
9. “Why was the cheese unhappy? Because it was feeling grated.”
10. “Why was the light bulb unhappy? Because it was feeling burnt out.”

Sad/Depressed

1. “Why was the spinach sad? Because it was feeling leafed out.”
2. “Why was the tomato sad? Because it was feeling ketchup.”
3. “Why was the banana sad? Because it was feeling peeled.”
4. “Why was the apple sad? Because it was feeling cider.”
5. “Why was the pear sad? Because it was feeling pear-ed.”
6. “Why was the mushroom sad? Because it was feeling fungi.”
7. “Why was the watermelon sad? Because it was feeling melon-choly.”
8. “Why was the carrot sad? Because it was feeling down in the dumps.”
9. “Why was the onion sad? Because it was feeling peeled.”
10. “Why was the broccoli sad? Because it was feeling floret.”
11. “Why was the therapist unhappy? Because he was feeling depressed.”
12. “Why was the antidepressant unhappy? Because it was feeling down in the dumps.”
13. “Why was the umbrella unhappy? Because it was feeling drained.”
14. “Why was the pillow unhappy? Because it was feeling depressed.”
15. “Why was the piano unhappy? Because it was feeling low key.”
16. “Why was the calendar unhappy? Because it was feeling blue.”
17. “Why was the computer unhappy? Because it was feeling downsized.”
18. “Why was the shoe unhappy? Because it was feeling down in the heel.”
19. “Why was the couch unhappy? Because it was feeling sofa so low.”
20. “Why was the TV unhappy? Because it was feeling screen depressed.”

Pirates

1. “Why was the pirate such a bad singer? Because he always hit a flat note.”
2. “What do you call a pirate’s favorite flower? A plunder-anthem.”
3. “What do pirates use to fix their ships? Pirate-tape.”
4. “Why couldn’t the pirate play music? He was tone deaf.”
5. “Why did the pirate’s phone have a lot of seaweed on it? It was a seaweed phone.”
6. “What do you get when you cross a pirate and a snowman? Frostbite.”
7. “Why was the pirate such a good dancer? Because he had rhythm and booty.”
8. “What do you call a pirate’s favorite fruit? A pear-ate.”
9. “Why did the pirate go to therapy? He had a lot of high seas and low blows.”
10. “Why couldn’t the pirate use his computer? He had a buccaneer block.”

Geology

1. “Why did the geologist break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a fault.”
2. “What did the geologist say to the rock? “Don’t take it for granite.”
3. “Why was the geologist always calm? Because he had a lot of sediment.”
4. “What did the geologist say when he found a rock that was really hard to classify? “I’m stoned.”
5. “What did the geologist say when he discovered a new mineral? “I’ve hit rock bottom.”
6. “Why did the geologist get lost in the desert? He was in a sand-storm.”
7. “What did the geologist say when he found a fossil? “It’s a million years old, and it’s a piece of cake!”
8. “Why was the geologist’s birthday party such a hit? It was a rockin’ good time.”
9. “What did the geologist say when he found a rare crystal? “I’m crystal clear on this one.”
10. “Why was the geologist’s office always cold? Because it was below earth’s crust.”

Homework

1. “Why couldn’t the student finish his homework? Because he was too exhausted from procrastinating.”
2. “Why was the math book unhappy? Because it had too many problems.”
3. “What do you get when you do your homework in the forest? Homework-trees.”
4. “Why did the student bring a ladder to school? He wanted to get to high school.”
5. “Why was the student’s computer cold? Because it left its Windows open.”
6. “Why did the student bring a red pen to school? In case he needed to draw blood.”
7. “Why was the student’s history paper so good? It was written in the present tense.”
8. “Why was the student’s report card blank? He forgot to turn in his homework.”
9. “Why was the student’s science project a failure? Because it was an experiment gone wrong.”
10. “Why was the student’s essay long? Because it had a lot of footnotes.”

Chores

1. “Why was the broom late? Because it swept in.”
2. “Why was the dishwasher unhappy? Because it was feeling plate-d.”
3. “Why was the vacuum unhappy? Because it was feeling sucked dry.”
4. “Why was the laundry basket unhappy? Because it was feeling drained.”
5. “Why was the mop unhappy? Because it was feeling wrung out.”
6. “Why was the house so clean? Because the owner was dust in his tracks.”
7. “Why was the yard so tidy? Because the owner was on a roll.”
8. “Why was the garage so organized? Because the owner was in high spirits.”
9. “Why was the kitchen sparkling? Because the owner was a clean freak.”
10. “Why was the bathroom spotless? Because the owner was a wash out.”

Losing

1. Why was the runner disqualified from the race? He lost his sole!
2. “Why was the basketball player sad? Because he lost his hoop-ortunity.”
3. “Why was the baseball player sad? Because he lost his bat-itude.”
4. “Why was the football player sad? Because he lost his touch-down.”
5. “Why was the soccer player sad? Because he lost his kick.”
6. “Why was the golfer sad? Because he lost his swing.”
7. “Why was the tennis player sad? Because he lost his serve.”
8. “Why was the racecar driver sad? Because he lost his lap.”
9. “Why was the swimmer sad? Because he lost his stroke.”
10. “Why was the ping pong player sad? Because he lost his ping.”
11. “Why was the chess player sad? Because he lost his knight move.”

Reading

1. “Why was the reader’s nose always in a book? Because he was a book snob.”
2. “Why couldn’t the book stand up on its own? Because it was too pages behind.”
3. “Why was the book late? Because it was stuck in the pages.”
4. “Why was the book cold? Because it left its chapters open.”
5. “Why was the book sad? Because it was feeling bound down.”
6. “Why was the book wet? Because it was crying over spilled ink.”
7. “Why was the book angry? Because it was feeling bound up.”
8. “Why was the book anxious? Because it had a lot of pages to turn.”
9. “Why was the book tired? Because it was feeling page-worn.”
10. “Why was the book confused? Because it was feeling chapter and verse.”

Music

1. Why was the musician arrested? He was caught bass handling.
2. Why was the guitar teacher suing the student for payment? He claimed the student was playing a string of excuses.
3. Why was the singer kicked off the stage? He was off key and off pitch.
4. Why was the drum set in the bakery? They were beating the dough.
5. Why was the singer who swallowed a microphone feeling fine? Because the sound was all right!
6. Why was the musician always calm? He always took a rest on the bass line.
7. Why was the musician’s family so poor? They all had a lot of bass guitarists.
8. Why was the musician’s pet python called “Slinky”? It was always winding down the scales.
9. Why was the musician’s piano so small? It was a mini-ature piano!
10. Why was the singer’s garden full of weeds? He had a green thumb, but not a green voice.
11. Why was the musician’s bread always burnt? He always left it in the oven to rise.
12. Why was the musician’s daughter not allowed to play the piano? She kept hitting all the wrong notes.
13. Why was the musician’s phone always busy? He was always on call waiting.